Why Few Things in Mormon Theology Bug Me Now

Back in the day (otherwise known as four years ago), I found out that the Mormon past was not as "sanitary" as many like to claim it to be. As an avid lover of history, I thought that everything in history was either black or white. Either Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ or he didn't have a vision at all, either Brigham Young taught Adam-God or he didn't. I wasn't a very good historian. I didn't take into accounts all the perspectives, all the teachings. I apostatized in a manner of speaking. Not that extreme of course. I still attended Church for the most part, despite it being a pain. I tried my best to find my own faith, but to no avail. Evangelical Christianity, while I was envious of it, made sense only to a certain extent. I embraced it but hesitantly with Mormon theological hesitations. I also didn't take into account the spirit. What I thought was the spirit led to to be unhappy. The spirit cannot make one unhappy.

And here I am today. BYU student. Faithful believer learning how to deal with doubts. Dealing with doubts quite effectively if you ask me. While doing research for my research paper about the corporeality of God, I realized that the Mormon conceptualization of God has evolved. For many that seems to be a problem, but for me this is almost faith promoting. We are human beings dealing with the Divine. I have come to realize that perhaps our understanding of the Divine is contingent on our ability to comprehend the nature of God. Hence, people see seemingly contradictory ideas presented in Mormon beliefs.

And then there are the things we cannot understand at this point. Do I know why Joseph and Brigham taught Adam-God? Do I know why Joseph mentioned Zelph? Do I know where the Book of Mormon took place? Do I know why polygamy was instituted? Do I know why the Church is so heavily supporting Prop 8? Do I know why the Church kept blacks from the priesthood? The answers to all of these questions are, "I don't know". I don't know why there are incongruities in history. I believe, like Joseph Smith, that as we prove contraries we begin to understand. I know that God will make up the difference. God will prove all things to us. God will let us understand in time.

Historians must learn to examine things critically. I am trying to do that everyday. I don't accept everything at face value. I read and reason, I watch, I pray, I fast. I love. I try to be kind to all. I try to love everyone. I get so concerned about everything and everyone. I hope that God will help me to continue to do what I am doing. I really try so hard. I really do.