Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Too Tired To Blog and BYU Problems

I am too tired to blog. Let's just give it a five minute solid typing session as I randomly try to peck out a few things while I am sitting here. Sam is not home and I don't expect him anytime soon to be entirely honest.

It's weird how everyone is pairing up here. I don't really know how to feel about it. Then and again, I am having some pretty ambiguous feelings about BYU today for some reason. I still really love it at times, but there are so many things that just drive me crazy. To be entirely honest, I am not a huge fan of my ward. Not the people, I love them, but I really feel like just a fish in a barrel of countless other fish. There is nothing really wrong with that, I just don't like it. In our attempts to build Zion, I feel like there should be at least some type of "sociality" here that I felt in my home ward. I feel almost as if I am insignificant to the ecclesiastical leadership. Maybe I just need to buckle up and get used to it. Sigh. Luckily I love the Church and love the religious worship of the Latter-day Saints and have faith in its redeeming power. I believe the tenants of the Gospel, I just really dislike the buildup of the Church here. I will probably get bashed for this, but I cannot deny my opinion. I guess I will have to build Zion based upon my interaction with people other than the bishopreic.

I may not graduate from BYU I have decided. I like BYU. A LOT. But I don't know if it is for me. As for this time in my life, I know I need to be here. For some reason, I came to BYU and I am glad I did. But as for the future, I cannot tell. I will not tell, because I may end up with multiple degrees from here.

Lists take too long to write and I am too tired. I haven't done any homework yet and I don't want to. Tomorrow will be the day. Tomorrow will be the day.


alea said...

You should say, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

Name the movie?

Hildegarde said...

Does this mean you may go to my alma matter?! It is definitely a more welcoming atmosphere for us liberals for sure.

Seagulljaap said...

I have considered USU, but for some reason, God says to stay here for now. After my mission, I will probably come back to BYU and if I still don't like it... Then to USU or University of Utah I go. Plus, they both have schools of social work.

veronica said...

I totally know how you feel about the wards here. I am really not a fan of the student wards. Everyone else seems to love it, but I much prefer the difference and diversity in ages and people in our home ward.
I don't like how I am surrounded by 200 people who care so much about socializing and making 200 new best friends. I am not like that. I like having different age groups and older people to look up to and talk to if I get bored of the people my age. The bishopric members are kind, but too busy to have the same kind of impact. I miss the familiar community environment of the 12th ward with Bishop Brown conducting and I miss being surrounded by people who have watched me grow up and that I am comfortable around and know well enough to love.

(ps. Your blog is very interesting to read Jacob. You are such a talented writer.)

Seagulljaap said...

The hardest part of BYU is the social aspect. While I feel like my ward is definitely what I need right now, it is also a very big part of my BYU frustration. This is a very formative part of my Mormon experience- my first ward outside of my home ward of 18 years. Ultimately, I support the Church and believe, but I can easily see why people become so disaffected at BYU. We live in a culture of certainty where nothing can be in the gray area. In my religious response, I feel that there is more of a gray area than we like to believe. Sometimes we won't just love all of our leaders, our teachers. Sometimes we will not 100% agree with the way the ward is run. People often feel like in order to be "good Mormons" we have to support everything wholeheartedly. That is simply not the case. That is simply not the case.