Friday, February 27, 2009

Friday Musings and Prayers

Lately I have been very happy but also a bit distraught in some ways. It seems that a particular clique has developed in my ward. I thought I had escaped in High School. Alas, it apparently is inescapable. How naive of me to think that I would escape human nature! I am not really mad about this, just somewhat disappointed. Cliques, I feel, diminish personal relationships and place greater value on hanging out rather than actually being true friends. I have felt a twinge of pain as I have experienced this, as for the first time it actually matters to me. When I came to BYU, I longed to avoid this social aspect of the college experience. Unfortunately, it is not avoidable. Part of me is very glad to not be involved in a clique, however. I want to be everyone's friend. Frankly, I don't really care about hanging out in a group, I want personal relationships. I want to have time one on one or in small groups. I want to be able to extend a hand of fellowship to people. I want to be kind to everyone. As tacky as I may sound, it is actually one of the most important facets of my existance. And while I may not like some people, I desire to be cordial and loving to all. The only pain that I feel from it is that perhaps in this process I have lost a friend here at BYU. Not really lost, our relationship is just not the same as it used to be. And how I long for it to return to the escapades of last semester. But, if not, I will continue. Life goes on and we find happiness. I feel passed over at times. I feel distant. But life will continue and I will go on despite this pain in my life. It really is a pain. Life is more painful than we would like. But with strength and prayer I know that I can do all things. Preachy. I know. Another pain. A friend of mine told me of the struggle of one of her very close friends. I will be pleading with God on their behalf. People need all the prayers they can get.

But I also had many other happy events. My prayers were answered on behalf of one of my friends. I was ever so worried about this friend as she has struggled with some particular issues in her life. I prayed extra hard for her. And my prayers were answered.

But what about when God doesn't answer my prayers? What happens if I don't regain that relationship with my friend that I ache for or when I pray for a burden to be lifted and it isn't or when I pray to be given strength to overcome something and then I falter. Does that mean God doesn't care or that my prayers aren't heard? Sometimes I like to see God answer all my prayers, all my fasts, all my aspirations. But more often than not, it isn't meant to be. In my heart, however, I turn to a song that has deeply touched me as I have struggled in life, particularly this semester.

  1. Unanswered yet? The prayer your lips have pleaded
    In agony of heart these many years?
    Does faith begin to fail, is hope departing,
    And think you all in vain those falling tears?
    Say not the Father hath not heard your prayer;
    You shall have your desire, sometime, somewhere.
  2. Unanswered yet? Though when you first presented
    This one petition at the Father’s throne,
    It seemed you could not wait the time of asking,
    So urgent was your heart to make it known.
    Though years have passed since then, do not despair;
    The Lord will answer you, sometime, somewhere.
  3. Unanswered yet? But you are not unheeded;
    The promises of God forever stand;
    To Him our days and years alike are equal;
    “Have faith in God”; it is your Lord’s command.
    Hold on to Jacob’s angel and your prayer
    Shall bring a blessing down sometime, somewhere.
  4. Unanswered yet? Nay, do not say ungranted;
    Perhaps your part is not yet wholly done;
    The work began when first your prayer was uttered,
    And God will finish what He has begun.
    If you will keep the incense burning there,
    His glory you shall see, sometime, somewhere.
  5. Unanswered yet? Faith cannot be unanswered;
    Her feet were firmly planted on the Rock;
    Amid the wildest storm prayer stands undaunted,
    Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.
    She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,
    And cries, “It shall be done,” sometime, somewhere.
I am happy. Contrary to the negative tone of this post, I am very happy. However, it is a bittersweet time in my life. But I am determined to, as one of my friends has said, take what comes my way and love it.


Michelle said...

you know Jacob, just last night I complained to Erik that there isn't enough deep thinking in the world. But you my friend, will always be thinking, pondering, weighing options. Your thoughtful nature is a rough fit for college antics(and beyond- cliques never die) but the character you are building is worth far more.

p.s. are you eating lots of Thai food in preparation?

The first meal I ever made Erik was green curry. I had a Thai roommate who taught me the secrets.

Catherine Agnes said...

Do you have a recording of that song? I would love to hear it.

SarahJane said...

jacob, i love reading your blog sooo much! thanks for being such a strength in my life.. i dont know what i would do with out you!

stellastruck said...

I don't know. What's the difference between having a clique and having a group of particularly close friends? I mean, I want to be everyone's friend, but I also want deep friendly relationships, the kind where you share secrets and know each others' weaknesses. You can't have that with everyone.

Clique-ing behavior is natural, and I don't think it's necessarily bad.