Before I Sleep

Today was a good day. Book of Mormon, listening to devotional while translating Welsh, lunch at SarahJane's, Civilization class and paper (I got a B-, good enough for me),Welsh with practice for Midterm, Spanish homework for three plus hours, chatting, Civilization review by the TAs, etc.

I have been pondering the healing power of Jesus Christ. I know that He can purify our hearts. Every fiber of my being believes this. I have seen it in myself and in countless others. I hope that I can live worthily to receive the healing balm of Jesus Christ. I pray for strength to continue onward as I try to live as Jesus Christ would have me live. I pray for strength to face the day. And the day after that.

A List

English, Missionary Prep, Brother Bott, SarahJane, letter writing, texting, piano playing, hugs, loves, testimony, prayer, Spanish, 90/100, JKB, library, history book, beeping, rubbing, apples and honey, ultimate frisbee, laughing, stress, Book of Mormon Paper, testimony, tears of joy, pudding, Margo, Scandals, Rachel Mi and Mo, stress, power, strength, healing, hopes, desires of my heart, purification, Jesus Christ, Gold Plates, Joseph Smith the Prophet, Chicago Style of Citation, Theory books, headphones, cough, challah, nutella, water, bread, cheese, chocolate chips.

I Always Seem To Be A Day Behind

SeagullJaap is always a day behind. I blog the day after I should technically. But here I am, late at night, fixing my paper, hoping that I get to sleep soon. My roommates aren't even home yet, so I should get to sleep soon. I hope to be able to sleep soundly.

Today I went to the music store, went out on a few other errands, went to my uncle's house, and talked to Andrew a bit via texting. It was nice to be in Salt Lake, but again I realized how much I like Provo. It is the happening place to be.

But I must sleep now and consider this good for the day.

My Day

I came back to Salt Lake this weekend. And I finally realized how much I love Provo and BYU. While I love being in Salt Lake again, I really miss the constant hustle and bustle of Provo. But it is nice to have a break every once in a while. Andrew and I got to have a good talk tonight, I had Cafe Rio, and now I am beat to death. I don't know how I am going to find the energy to get up tomorrow. Pray that I can sleep well.

I realized how much I love the Spirit. BYU has the Spirit. Salt Lake has the Spirit. Zion has the Spirit. I want to keep that Spirit through living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I want to share it with the world. I guess today was one of those days of realization where I finally realized that I will go where the Lord wants me to go. No matter what. No matter the cost. And God will help me. I know he can. I know he will. Somewhere within my soul, I know that He loves me. As Nephi said " And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."

And today, I know the same thing. So come what may, with Him I will stand in that great day.

The Longer Blog, at Least I Hope

Today was one of those days that seemed to go by in a blur. One moment I wake up and my computer appears to be working again and the next moment I am here at 12:35 writing a blog entry again. I want to write something a little more substantial but I do not know that I have the energy.

I woke up late. My night at the Llyfrgell Harold B. Lee turned out to be rather eventful, I enjoyed the stress of walking there at 15.95- 30% list only to be able to finish one response paper for my Honors 150 class. But it worked out for the best. Spencer was kind enough to let me use his computer while mine rested and printed off the papers for me this morning. I really appreciated that.

I saw AF today. I really realized how much I do not like the way AF acts a lot of the time. I harbor no hard feelings, as I have already made evident, but I really feel like I am looked down upon by AF. But I feel better about things now. I feel at peace with my decision.

I talked in Spanish for an hour with a friend. I am grateful to be able to speak in Spanish. I am praying for something in the next year.

I have a piano lesson tomorrow right after Civilization. I am really quite excited. Ms. Messick sounds nice. I eagerly await to take lessons from her!

SeagullJaap's Day

I don't really want to write that much. Today I got up, went to Honors 150, Rel 130, enjoyed both. Then I came home, did laundry, talked to Mother. After that, I went to the MOA with SarahJane. I had a delicious lunch and fun.

Afterwards, I went to get my pan from SarahJane's apartment. Margo was serenaded by a wandering minstrel, a.k.a. SeagullJaap. She is just a precious child. In fact, all of SarahJane's roommates are simply wonderful.

Transitive and Intransitive verbs in Spanish today. I loved it beyond belief. Spanish major?

Playtime, as usual. No homework done really. But tomorrow is a brand new day.

My Roommates Probably Think I am Crazy and My Love to SarahJane Again

So I showed the real Jacob tonight to my roommates at SarahJane's apartment. They saw me as the crazy, unique, off the wall child that I really am. They seem... excited? Maybe, it is hard to say. I really don't know what they think about me now. They know that I like to bake and that I am insane. But we are getting along swimmingly now. For this I give my love to SarahJane.

Church was good today, the fireside was awesome (especially because of a certain comment), and ward prayer was acceptable- I suppose, that is.

FHE comes tomorrow, along with Spanish and the rest of my homework. I think as long as I try I will be able to get it done. Wish me luck!

Seagull Book, Cafe Rio, Black Orpehus Again

Today DB, RM, and I went to Seagull Book. We walked to it from our apartment to Seagull Book in the pouring rain. It almost felt like a kind of baptism somehow. We bought a few things, namely the Jack Christianson CD, some chocolate, Downeast basics, Mini missionaries, and pictures. I enjoyed the feel of the Seagull. I talked to the employees a little bit. They were both very nice. It is interesting to have worked in the business and now see how things work as a customer compared to an employee.

After that we went to Cafe Rio, came home, and took naps. Then I went to see Black Orpheus again with DS and RM. We enjoyed it. I liked it better the second time around. But someone did get mad as us for talking. I was also texting Cha Cha throughout the movie. I learned that 30% of Brazil has some African blood in them.

We also had a fun serious talk, I read my personal narrative to some friends. HM was adorable and got teary eyed.

The MOA and Etc.

Today I woke up a little later than I should have and then I walked with RM to the Maesar building for English. We talked about Seriously So Blessed, the most cliche blog out there. We also talked about finding our voice in our writing which I am still trying to do. But I am enjoying writing my personal narrative.

Then after English I went to the MOA with CP, a new friend. We are still trying to figure out our connection, but I don't know that we ever will. We had a grand old time.

Visited with SarahJane afterward. We had a good time doing all kinds of crazy things. Cookies, post office, talking, giggling, teaching her roommates ASL is just a wonderful experience.

Then I hung out with people from Whitney, played Pit, and did all kinds of crazy things. I almost forgot about certain things that have been on my mind lately. I am beginning to realize how important true friends are as I have found so many here at BYU. And I have also realized the value of blogging at 3:00 A.M.

Social Work, My Spanish Test, Give My Love to SarahJane, and Black Orpheus

I went to visit S.C. at the school of Social Work today. Nice women, gave me some good insight into Social Work. She claims the BSW program was discontinued based upon some personal vendettas. Seems a bit odd to me, but I do believe her. She said to get a BSW not at BYU, but she got her undergraduate degree in English? I don't quite understand her reasoning. Sociology may be the choice if I want to do social work.

Study the expressions. That's my advice to anyone taking Prof. Fails Spanish 321. I took a test in there today that turned into a nightmare shortly after the ser vs. estar moments. I am thinking C- D+.

SarahJane, I love you, but right now I am cursing you a bit, due to this illness. It should go away eventually.

Black Orpheus was an odd experience in and of itself. I don't think I can say much about it without beginning to mock its acting, costuming, dancing, or anything else about it. I really believe that it was among some of the highest comedy I have seen in quite a while.

The MOA, Welsh, and Stress

Today I went to the MOA for lunch. I thoroughly enjoyed it, I must admit. I got a salad with some soup that was quite delicious. The MOA is pretty expensive, however, and should be a once or twice a week treat, if that. I enjoyed the company and the food.

Welsh was good today as well, we learned some grammar that I can't understand and watched a movie about the history of Wales/Welsh. Along with treats and no real homework I can't complain.

I am stressed to the max, I will not lie. I have a test tomorrow, two papers to write, and 7 hours to sleep. All in all, I feel tired and frustrated. I have to start my Civ paper over again tomorrow and take it to the writing lab to get it all nice and polished. Let's hope I can stay awake.

The New Way of the Blog, Eternal Progression, Writing Class

I find myself enjoying writing in a blog for five minutes a day, per the assignment given by my Honors 150 teacher. There is almost something therapeutic about it. I hope I can keep up with the pace. The blog is quite the outlet as well. I don't give my blog address away readily, so there is some sense of anonymity, but not so much that some readers don't know who I am.

Today in Religion 130, we had quite the spiritual lecture. I am beginning to enjoy that class more and more. We discussed the Plan of Salvation in quite a bit of depth, and then we discussed our futures if we are faithful. Bro. Bott taught us that we must realize how much Satan really knows us. And while I have heard this before, for some reason this really hit me today. I don't know exactly why. Satan wants to destroy us and make us forget our potential. He wants us to suffer and become miserable. God, on the other hand, (who Brother Bott taught us is a priesthood office consisting of a man and a woman, a very unique doctrine in the world) wants us to be successful.

And today I met the granddaughter of the founder of Seagull Book and Tape in my Writing class. The only reason it came up is because we were doing an exercise where I mentioned what was in my "bag" that represents my life. One of my things was my Seagull Book apron. She asked me and all the sudden I got really excited. She is in my ward and freshman academy. I am very excited to get to know her. She works at Covenant on their latest products. I can't believe I finally met someone who understands my product obsession.

All the Pain and Anguish that Could Tear Me Apart

Today is one of those days where I cannot fully claim to understand the motives of others. I feel the pain of this revelation more than I feel anger towards anyone, this former friend included, but nevertheless, I must press onward in my quest to become a better person.

Often in my frustration with others, I become a bit snappy and rude. This was made evident as I recently had a falling out with the aforementioned friend of mine. Our friendship was brief and had its redeeming moments. I will long remember our discussions of our lives and our spiritual convictions. I will, however, also remember the bad times as well. The times we fought over petty things, or hurt each other unintentionally. Needless to say, our relationship was almost toxic. Wait... Let me rephrase that. Our relationship was toxic. There was misinterpretation, confusion, and so many other things that contributed to a friendship that was, from the beginning doomed.

As many of you know, my religious views are dear to my heart. I have so many convictions that I will never deny. And as many of you know as well, I try to live the Gospel the best I can, but when I am running low on sleep or become aggravated, I falter. I am human. I have my weaknesses. I faltered a few nights ago and said some things I have not said.

I tried to apologize. I really did. I knew that my efforts were in vain. Our mutual friends, now estranged from me, go on in their lives. I feel that remorse that I have trespassed against my neighbor. My main concern, however, is perhaps the fact that I tend to harbor these feelings of guilt and pain as I struggle to forgive myself. When I am called condescending, I feel as if I have failed my friends. I try so hard to love everyone and apparently my efforts are not good enough. I feel the pain.

But, I must press onward, looking unto Christ for hope. But somehow I feel as if I have disappointed Him.