Sunday, September 16, 2012

Friendships

I am the kind of person that overanalyzes a lot of situations. From schoolwork and tests, to friendships and family, I worry a lot about many things. I guess the constant worry comes from a desire to be perfect. Jesus said in the Bible "Be ye perfect." I guess that has been a bit of a motto for my life. When I fall short of this expectation, I find that I beat up on myself a lot.

This was especially true while on my mission. I feel like missions exacerbate a lot of inferiority complex-like feelings. We feel that we are not good enough. We don't think that we are doing enough. I remember being in a particular area of Bangkok that was extremely difficult. I kept asking myself what I was doing wrong so that the area wouldn't work. I remember waking up daily and wondering if today would be the day that something, anything would  happen. And it never did. Maybe that was the best lesson of that time. No matter how hard you try for perfection, you're not going to achieve it in a day. In fact, I feel that the end goal is less important than the actual journey.

I guess in friendships I tend to overanalyze things a lot as well. I tend to wonder how I can be a better friend. I fret over hurting another person's feelings. I feel bad when I fail as a friend at times. All of this can be traced back to my yearning for perfection.

How do you overcome a long history of perfectionism? I am not looking for instant answers, but more of some personal insights. How can I realize that, while I am not perfect, I am doing better than I think I am?

This post makes me sound like I am so depressed! In reality, I am just reflecting on friendship. This year I want to try to make more friends than I did my previous year at BYU and I am trying to figure out this whole friendship thing. It's a tricky subject. I don't have many close friends, but the ones that I am close to are very close. I just would like to expand and be a better friend. This may be rambling because it is late here. Sometimes the best inspiration for blogs comes late. (Also, please forgive all errors in my writing.)

1 comment:

SarahJane Miller said...

you are the bestest friend. seriously jacob. Now that I am married we aren't as close but freshman year... we were the best of friends. You are a great friend, keep doing what you are doing!

sjdmiller.blogspot.com