A Song

I love this song. I felt like singing it today. Comment on your thoughts on it.

Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by a lilac tree,
I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world
Heavenly Father created for me.

He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings.
He gave me my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things.
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:
I thank him reverently
For all his creations, of which I'm a part.
Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me.

Degree Crisis

So every about three days I have this crisis. I ask myself, what am I going to major in? What do I want to do when I graduate? Blah, blah, blah. And then I look at my schedule for the semester. I didn't realize how many "useless" classes I am taking. Maybe useless isn't the term, but maybe not required or not essential to my progression towards graduation. So I am debating several issues at hand here. I have so many things that I would like to study but not nearly enough time. If I do well in my Hum 261 class, which I am loving, by the way, I will most likely do American Studies. But there's a part of me that still wants to do Communications, Spanish, and Non-Profit Management. I love them all so much. Here are some of my current life aspirations.

1. Professor of American Humanities- With emphasis on New England religious culture.
2. Social Worker- Advocacy for Deaf and Spanish speaking people.
3. Journalist- Who doesn't want to edit the opinion page or be an editorial writer for a major newspaper?
4. Publisher- I would love to go into... yep, you got it... Mormon publishing or some form of publishing. I guess under this title would also be bookseller.
5. Lawyer- Despite what I always say, this has always been in the back of my mind. I would, of course, however, not EVER work for a firm. I would prefer to do public defense.
6. A writer- Fiction, non-fiction, whatever.

It's one of those crisis times where I don't know what to do. Luckily I will have two years to think about it. Or avoid thinking about it. I don't know what's best.

Julie Through the Glass

I am a big fan of this Mormon Ad. Whenever Youtube isn't blocked, I look it up. I think it teaches a lesson I learned best from reading a book I initially loathed: Beloved. It teaches us to love ourselves. As we come to love ourselves, we will love others better.

Trying To Be Like Jesus

Today was a good day. I enjoyed it, despite being sick. I had my normal Monday schedule, which is hard, but delightful. I need to get better fast. I have to go to SLC to get my mission papers done soon. In fact, I need to make an appointment to get that done asap. I am anxious. Really quite anxious. I know where I want to go-Argentina anyone?- but something in the back of my mind says God may have other plans. I frankly don't care where I go. In fact, I would love to go to some places others would not like. The South would be wonderful for me. I have a deep love for the Evangelical people, who I think are some of the greatest people on Earth. I would also love to serve an ASL mission. I love the Deaf now more than ever and I want to be able to share the Gospel with them quite a bit. But no matter where I go, I will serve dilligently and pray for strength. So we will see. Any guesses anyone?

On The R.M.'s soundtrack there's a recording of I'm Trying To Be Like Jesus that I like a lot. It's a bit more jazzy than the version we are used to, but I still really enjoy it. I listen to it at least two times a day. I guess that's my life motto right? Trying to be like Jesus. What a task! How can I lift the beggar, give endless service, comfort, love the unlovable, and teach the Gospel, all while trying to figure out who I am and what I will become? It's an exhausting task that seems to never end. It's not just a once a day thing; it's a continous commitment. But I still try. Why?

I think since coming to BYU, I have learned the meaning of truly trying to become like Jesus. I have learned that I must stand up for what I know to be right, but I must be ready and worthy to offer comfort. But I am in no way perfect. I try a lot. I repent when I falter, calling upon my Heavenly Father to help me. But, I guess the reason I try is because I love Jesus. For all my life, Jesus seemed so distant, like words on a page or pictures in a book, until I really fully partook of His atonement in my life. It changed me and still changes me. I can honestly say that I am a different person today than I was on January 26th, 2008 or January 26th,2004. I think as I realized my divine commitment to service. My divine commitment to love. My life goes on. I sin, I falter and I contiune to feast upon the words of Christ, my Redeemer who loves me. Not really because I am lovable, but because I am trying to be more like Him. And that's a happy thought.

Sacred Day and Tender Mercies

I am the kind of person that often finds issues with particular facets of my Church meetings. Don't get me wrong, I really do love the Church and going to it. The Sacrament, the ultimate purpose of our worship, is very holy and I love the peace, comfort, and power that it brings to me. I view it as a kind of Pre-Endowment- the best temple prep we can have- as it reminds us of our eternal destiny, purpose, and our power through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And isn't that exactly what the temple is about? Power through Christ to live up to divine commitments? Anyway, I digress (as usual).

My Sunday today was not particularly happy. I loved the music in sacrament meeting, but didn't particularly enjoy the talks. They didn't do anything for me today. I read the Doctrine and Covenants, however, which may take over the Old Testament as my favorite book of scripture, during the entire meeting. Then I went to Priesthood, which was okay, but not really too great. Same lesson in Sunday School with less than dynamic teachers, who have strong, genuine testimonies but don't know how to express them at times.

Anyway, I wasn't feeling spiritually enthused until I had the most sacred event I have had in years. I won't go into details, but I exercised my Melchizedek Priesthood for the first time. And oh boy. It was intense. I can't wait to use it more and more in the future. I always want to be worthy to use it now because it is just so cool to use it. And frankly, I felt like in a way, I could have made a difference through my actions. And I hope to do that more often. To extend comfort to God's children is my greatest goal in life.

And it reminds me of why I will stay in the Church, why I will serve in my calling, and, most importantly, why I will serve a mission. The Priesthood is the connection to our past, present, and future. It reminds me of the old days of the Church that I sometimes long for. It reminds me of the nature of our use of the Priesthood to bless the lives of others in our everyday lives. And it reminds me of the glorious future we will have. I love the Priesthood more today than ever.

I needed the words I spake to another just as much as they needed them. I think that's how God teaches us. When we help others, without any selfish intent, He inspires and brings us help. Tender mercies- which are often not blessings, but rather, a moment of understanding. I pray for those everyday.

I encourage you, my gentle readers, to ponder on your spiritual experiences. Write them down. Ponder on them. When times get tough, look back on that and remember, those things which were tender mercies from God.

Spring Creek Books

Let me preface this post. After working at Seagull Book for almost two years I have come to see all the crazy Mormon product out there. I hope to return to this realm after my mission. Although I have seen a lot of crazy things, none can really compare to Spring Creek Books. They have everything from The Great Gathering to A Prophet in Palmyra. In their somewhat crazy, but amusing way, they are a nice addition to the market.

Lately I have noticed that they have not been publishing much. Surely something to do with the economy I imagined. I mean, Signature decided to stop publishing this year, and so it didn't seem too unusual. But Spring Creek is clearly struggling. They stopped distributing their own books last year and decided to go with Brigham Distributing (bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad move in my mind- Granite Publishing and Distributing would have given them much better access to the market in my opinion). Also, Spring Creek is not accepting manuscripts right now. They didn't publish anything during Fall 2008- which is a nail in the coffin. Like every good LDS publisher knows, you save your cream of the crop for Fall. Often the success or failure of a book is based on the timing of its release, usually coffee table books and higher quality or pulp fiction a.k.a. Anita Stansfield do well in the Fall. So I knew Spring Creek was in trouble when I didn't see any new Spring Creek books come through towards the end of my tenior at Seagull. I have been half heartedly monitoring their site for several months, always wondering why they haven't published. Now it looks like, from all signs, unless there is some sort of miracle, they will go belly up.

Spring Creek made some stragetic errors. They used cheap covers, published some things that probably shouldn't have been published (We Lived in Heaven is just creepy, this one's pretty odd too right?, and this one too) But they also published some things that were real hits among the Mormon population (15 Secrets to a Happy Home, Leaning on Prayer, The Lost Sheep-two personal favorites, The Power of Your Patriarchal Blessing, Staying in Tune) but these couldn't account for other things that I mentioned above and other things like The Celestial City. I think Spring Creeks main problem is among their more palatable things, they didn't have anything that would really make them any money. Granite benefits a lot from its distrubtion of popular items, as does Sounds of Zion. But Springcreek would only publish paperbacks of a certain type. They shot themsleves in the foot. But I digress.

To be honest, this is a shame. The small or unique LDS publishers just can't make it. Parables, Signature, Spring Creek, Granite, they all struggle to find their place in the market. I feel like with the purchase of Seagull and Covenant, the new Deseret Book put themsleves in a position where other publishers basically lost a chance at ever seeing their books on the shelves. I am no business man but I think I have some sugggestions to improve market conditions for small publishers.

1. I would like to see Cedar Fort branch out to strengthen itself as their new position as the only major independent publisher and maybe take up some distribution of smaller publishers.
2. I would like Cedar Fort to start publishing the kind of fiction that Parables publishes.
3. Small publishers need to ban together to get their books on the shelves. If they have one major distributor that carries a lot of titles they have a way. Brigham is too weak, Granite is slightly stronger. I think the market is so saturated that one distributor needs to rise up to rule them all. I am not for a monopoly but frankly, the Mormon market is quite market. You have to have strong access to Seagull and Deseret shelves to ever hope to make it.

But We Went on Our Way Rejoicing-101st Post

I love Spencer W. Kimball. He will always have a very tender place in my heart. He was very progressive for the Church with increasing focus on missionary work , temple building, The Miracle of Forgiveness and perhaps the most important thing to me, the extending of the priesthood to all worthy males and forever changing the role of blacks in the Church.


When Jane Elizabeth Manning came to Zion, she came for the Gospel. After converting in Connecticut, she walked to Nauvoo with her family. She said about this "Our feet cracked open and bled until you could see the whole prints of our feet with blood on the ground." Her feet literally bled so she could meet Joseph Smith. So she could be with the Saints. When she came with the Saints to Utah, what many people believed to be Zion, her troubles and sorrows were truly not through. She was denied the endowment and was allowed to be sealed to Joseph Smith as a servant. Her temple blessings were later revoked and then reinstated. What did she do when she was unjustly judged? She remained faithful in the Church and served faithfully throughout her life. I weep every time I think of the struggles of the blacks in the LDS church. In fact, I am weeping as I write this post. I feel deeply touched by the Spirit of the Lord.

And yet until 1978, the priesthood was not extended to the blacks. I don't know why. I don't intend to focus on that. And I don't want any debate about it. President Kimball did the right thing and was guided by God to end a policy that, frankly, I don't know actually was established by God. But that's not really the point of this post. I want to focus on Sister Manning's example.

I think when we look at our daily life, we often see the problems in the little things- the time when we didn't do as well on that test as we had hoped,when we wake up late, feel lonely- and often we develop a pessimistic attitude that our lives are ever so difficult. Imagine if you will, a day in the shoes of Sister Manning. Imagine walking until your feet bled until you are so weary, ready to give up, but you still press on because of your belief in Jesus Christ. Imagine being denied blessings for an unknown reason. But in the end she said this: "But we went on our way rejoicing, singing hymns, and thanking God for his infinite goodness and mercy to us." When we ponder our lives, are we going on our way, rejoicing, singing hymns, and thanking God for his infinite goodness and mercy to us? I hope and pray that we are.